It’s not about the cup. Or the socks. Or who pressed the elevator button. Here’s what’s really going on—and what to do instead of dreading the next meltdown.
I’d cut the sandwich wrong.
That’s all it took. One glance at those triangles (that were a big hit last week) and my daughter was suddenly on the floor, screaming. I felt the heat rising in my body—I could hear that voice inside me thinking: Are you serious right now?
But if you’re parenting a spicy kid, you already know this moment, and if we are honest, we aren’t surprised.
It’s Not Over Nothing—It’s Over Everything
What looks “small” to us—like a different bedtime song or the triangles instead of squares—is actually huge to a child who has a sensitive system like your spicy (aka strong-willed, deep feeling, intense, highly sensitive) kid.
Spicy kids experience the world more intensely. Their sensory and emotional thresholds are lower, which means a minor change can push them into full fight-or-flight.
You might hear:
- “You’re ruining everything!”
- “I hate this day!”
- Or silence… followed running away.
It’s not dramatics. It’s dysregulation.
Why Your Child Can’t Just “Get Over It”
You’ve tried talking them through it.
Reasoning. “The sandwich will taste the same!”
Reassuring. “I’ll eat this one! I’ll make you a new one!”
But when your child is overwhelmed, their brain can’t access logic. That’s because they’re climbing what I call the dysregulation wave—and at the top of that wave, nothing “works.”
Instead of processing calmly, their brain flips into protect mode. The tears, the yelling, the running away—it’s not manipulation. It’s a tiny human in fight or flight.
The key is to meet them earlier on the wave, not at the top.
What Actually Helps
Here’s what you can try when your child starts to spiral over something small:
- Validate without fixing: “It’s hard when things feel different than you expected.”
- Shift your tone, not just your words: A soft, grounded voice communicates safety more than a lecture ever will.
- Regulate yourself first: Your nervous system is the model. The more steady you are, the safer they feel.
- Plan for the patterns: If the wrong cup is always an issue, role-play through what might happen before it is.
Want to learn more about your spicy kid?
That’s exactly what the free Spicy Kid Guide walks you through.
Want to feel more confident in moments like these?
Grab the free Spicy Kid Guide and learn:
- The real reason your child goes from 0 to 100
- How to support them before the blow-up
- What to say (and not say) when emotions are loud
It’s already helped thousands of parents feel less alone—and more equipped.
The Real Win Isn’t a Quiet Morning—It’s Connection
We all want mornings without the meltdowns, bedtime without the power struggles, and a child who can “handle it.”
But the deeper win? A child who feels understood—not shamed. A parent who knows why it’s happening, and what to do.
That’s when everything actually changes.
Related Posts
-
How to Handle Holiday Meltdowns in Front of Family Without Shame or Power Struggles
There is a moment so many parents tell me they fear the most. A big family gathering. Your child already running hot. Too many people. Too many expectations. Too many eyes. And then something small happens. A cousin grabs a toy Someone tells them to say thank you A tag is itchy The noise is…
-
Santa, Respectful Parenting, and Spicy Kids: Why You Get to Choose What Works for Your Family
Every December like clockwork, I get the same message from parents. Usually it starts with “I saw this reel… can you tell me what you think about it?” A few years ago, someone sent me a video where the creator confidently claimed that including Santa in your family traditions was harmful. The message was that…
