If your child melts down every time you say “time to go,” this isn’t about bad behavior. Here’s what’s happening—and how to make transitions easier.

It was time to leave the park. The mom told me how she could feel her whole self tighten, knowing that she’d either end in a game of chase, or WWIII.

She wasn’t wrong.
“Time to go” she said hesitantly. 

Shoes flying. Screaming. The mom carried them across the field like a fire log.

If this sounds familiar, you might have a spicy kid. And what looks like “defiance” or “manipulation” during transitions is often a a child that can be supported—with the right tools to help them feel steady.

Why Transitions Are a Meltdown Magnet for Spicy Kids

Spicy kids often experience the world more intensely than others. Transitions—no matter how minor—ask their brain and body to shift gears, which can feel jarring.

They’re going from:

• Play to cleanup
  
• Home to daycare
  
• Screen time to dinner
  
• Cozy couch to bright bathroom lights
  

That’s a big ask when the shift makes them feel unsafe. 

Underneath the meltdown isn’t disobedience. It’s the lack of safety.

The Classic Strategies That Fall Flat

You’ve probably tried:

• Giving a 5-minute warning
  
• Reminding them what’s next
  
• Using your calmest, most regulated voice
  

But for spicy kids, those strategies don’t always land—because those strategies rely on cognitive processing that your child doesn’t have access to in that moment.

When they’re climbing the dysregulation wave, logic doesn’t lead. Their nervous system does.

What Actually Helps

Instead of trying to control the behavior, focus on helping your child feel safe during the shift.

Try these:

Preview the change and the feeling

“It’s hard to leave when you’re having fun. What’s your plan when it’s time to go?”

Use choices that also regulate

“One more big jump off the swing or slide goodbye—your choice!”

Make the transition a routine

“Let’s stomp three times to tell the toys we’ll be back later.”

Co-regulate, don’t command

Sit beside them. Stay steady. They need your calm body more than your words.

And when possible—shift from “time to go!” to “I’ve got you.” That’s what helps them build regulation over time.

You’re Not a Bad Parent. Your Child’s Brain Just Needs a Bridge.

What feels like defiance is often just overwhelm.

What looks like manipulation is usually fear of losing control, which helps them feel safe.

When you see the need underneath the behavior, everything softens. You start parenting through the storm instead of battling against it.

And transitions? They’ll start being easier.

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