There is a very specific moment that almost every parent of a spicy kid worries about during the holidays. A room full of adults watching.
Cameras out.
Everyone waiting for that look of delight and the perfect thank you.
And your child opens the gift and freezes. Or worse yells, “I don’t like horses anymore!!”

One of my clients told me she could feel the tension circling her mother-in law’s body as she waited for a thank you  that wasn’t going to happen.
She said it felt like the pause grew louder every second.
And the louder it got, the more her daughter shut down.

This is where a lot of spicy kids get misunderstood.

People assume the child is being rude.
Ungrateful.
Spoiled.
too old to act like that.

That’s not what’s happening.

Spicy kids feel everything intensely.
Joy. Anticipation. Disappointment. Shame.
And all of those feelings get bigger under the gaze of adults.

They don’t have the buffer that other kids have.
They don’t have that quick little mask kids often use to hide discomfort.
When they’re overwhelmed, their nervous system pulls the plug on social niceties.

It isn’t personal.
It isn’t intentional.
It’s biology.

And here’s what makes it even harder.
Adults often jump straight to “what do you SAY?”
The child hears it as “you’re doing it wrong.”
Shame ignites.
And once shame shows up, gratitude becomes impossible.

Here’s what you can try that will completely shift the moment:

If you find yourself in this situation this holiday, instead of letting that pressure build, you can simply be your child’s voice: 
“Thank you. She had such a big horse phase, and you remembered!”

Because just like that it breaks the tension, and then once that space is cleared, often the child will follow your lead and say “thank you.” 

A gentle reminder…
A thank you does not need to happen in a thirty second window with everyone watching. Thank you can be a card later, or a quiet moment with grandma where they say thank you. 

And when the pressure is low, many of them express gratitude beautifully.
A drawing.
A hug.
A card they make later.
A moment where they quietly say thank you once the eyes aren’t on them.

The problem isn’t that they aren’t grateful.
It’s that they can’t access gratitude when their system is overwhelmed.

If this moment has been stressful for you in past years, you’re not alone.
Parents tell me gift opening can be the hardest part of the entire holiday season because it’s where shame shows up the fastest.

This is exactly why I created the Holiday Survival Guide.
It gives you simple and practical Before, During, and After steps for the trickiest holiday moments.
Gift opening is in there.
So is dealing with family judgment, cousins, meltdowns, travel, late nights, and sensory overload.

When you purchase the Spicy Kid Bundle this month, the full Holiday Survival Guide is included as a bonus.
You’ll walk into these gatherings feeling prepared instead of bracing.

And your child will feel the difference.

Learn More about the bundle here

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