If your child screams “leave me alone!” but falls apart when you do, you’re not doing anything wrong.

“He tells me to go away—but if I leave, it gets worse.”

That’s what one mom shared about her 5-year-old.
In the middle of a meltdown, he shouts “Get away!”
But when she gives space, he panics.

This push-pull is so confusing for parents—but also so common.

What’s Happening in These Moments

Your child’s nervous system is overwhelmed.
And when that happens, they may:

• Being trying to create control when they feel so out of control
  
• Reject you so you won’t see them like this
  
• Try to isolate before they feel rejected
  

That’s what dysregulation looks like: changing their mind, and not knowing what will help.

Why Spicy Kids Do This More Often

Kids with strong emotions often struggle with:

• Feeling safe in vulnerability
  
• Letting others help
  
• Managing the fear of being “too much”
  

So they push away the very support they need.
Not because they don’t want it—but because they’re not sure it’s safe to receive it.

How to Support Them Without Pushing or Abandoning

Talk about these moments outside of the intense moment. My daughter came up with a code word that means “I actually need space” vs when she says “get out of here.”

Validate for your child how confusing it feels to both want you to go away, and to be close. You know how to help them, and you’ll stay close by to keep them safe. 

You can also turn down shame by speaking right to them and saying things like: 

• “I’m close by. I’ll come sit when your body is ready.”
• “You don’t have to talk. I’m here.”
• “You’re not too much. I’ve got you.”
  

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